Everywhere there are saint patrick day things going on. to me it's a depressing day. it's the day my daughter was born and died. she would be 25 today. i dream sometimes of what she would look like or what type of person she would be. you would think after so many years the pain would be less, but it's not. and it's not a pain you can share with anyone. there is nobody that can share your pain. nobody else carried her for 8 mnths and talked with her, read and sang to her and grew to love her even before meeting her even before you knew she was a she. then the worst of all not getting to hold her, count her toes and fingers and feel her wiggle in your arms.

sorry folks (if there is anyone that reads my crap) the past two entries have been really whiney and "oh poor me". this is not the type of person i usually am and i'll get back to normal soon.

then maybe i'll have some interesting topics to write about.

ok i'm fixing to really bitch about something personal.
you know you can take care of somebody you love with out expecting anything anything in return. and you should. but why is when your sick they completely ignore you. no do you need anything can i help? NOTHING. i'm soo pisse doff and really really hurting on top of having the flu or what ever the hell this is.
i just had to right this down somewhere before i explode and say things to people that i love, no matter how much they hurt me, that i'll regret later.
if i live through this (and right now death just doesn't sound to bad ;-) )
i'll be back on to talk to more important things.